My younger brother - all of 18 and on the verge of flunking his exams wanted me to do a relationship-y post. I normally don't do requests, and have been steering clear of writing about this subject thanks to its rather tumultuous association with me - but it got me thinking.

What are the toughest 4 words you ever hear as a guy when it comes to relationships? If you ignore statements associated with death and extreme financial misfortune, i think the list would probably include "I think im gay", "She's dating someone else", "What happened last night?" and the ever so expensive, "I think im pergnant". However, none of them are used as often or have devastated more lives (especially those of nerds) as...drumrolls...

"I like you...but"

This statement, which would even make god say "Fuck it, im leaving it to Satan" has the depth of Raag Maheshwari, the sting of a Jellyfish and the hurt of Sunny Deol punching your face 50 times, dancing to "Kammo" on your body and then proceeding to punch you a 100 times more. What they also provide, is the flexibility of a Russian gymnast forced to make a living in a Siberian circus.

Here are the ways women fill these blanks and what they actually mean.

Only as a friend = I find Thai Ladyboys better looking than you. (Here you lower your standards and find someone in your league)

I don't want to ruin the friendship = Dude, i just wanted to take your notes for the exams (Here you realise you already ruined the friendship)

I'm not ready to make the emotional commitment = I dont think youre worthy of sleeping with me (Or shes secretly Catholic)

The distance between us is too much and it wont work out = I dont care enough to want to make it work out and im not confident in front of a webcam or into sexting (Offering money here is a big no no)

I was promised to someone as a child (Ok i made this one up - but it'll be hilarious if someone came up with this - alongwith I'm a Manglik and you are not)

Every guy gets the "I like you...but" line atleast once in his life. I have as well (Guess which one) and without a doubt it is the most pissing off, annoying, excruiatingly ridiculous moment of dumbassedry that one can ever experience. If i were to just do a sample survey of all the nerds in my high school who got this line (this even after half the women in my school looked like David Blaine with their strict non waxing ways - damn you Sikhism. Youre the last people to talk about a guys looks) im sure the results will be startling. 

I personally feel it was one of the single largest reasons that so many chaps never managed to become more confident later in life, deal with co-ed situations more effectively and distinguish their brains from their libido. I can guarantee 2 are still suffering from PTSDs even now.

And for those who are lucky, they get it even when they grow up - as the "Don't call us, we'll call you" line. (It was invented by the "I like you...but" inventors cousin). Ofcourse, you never really get the call. But you try anyway just like in high school thinking maybe some good will come off it.

So whats the solution? I don't know. 


Can anyone point me to the RSS office? I want to know how to ban this imperialistic western language destroying the souls of our fellow Indians.