Now - i love fast food. And i mean LOVE it. Me surviving on 2 litres of coke a day while gorging on a hamburger and pizza based diet is stuff of legend in immediate social and page 3 circles. However recent developments in the Indian fast food industry have let me with a daal-sabzi taste in my mouth.
nanda kumar jai
Now before i continue - i admit to the hypocrisy of knowing how terribly wrong everything associated with fast food is. Ive read everything from The death of food to Fast Food Nation and seen everything from Super Size Me to Who Mashed My Cow's Intestines. But still - the food tasted good. Not anymore - not in India anyway. Talking specifically about MuccDonnal (as pronounced in happy punjabi households where McAloo Tikki and fries constitutes fine dining) their burger size/quality has reduced dramatically. The veggies have become stale and watery and the french fries have become as flacid as an 80 year old's attempts after downing a complete viagra pill dispenser. But yesterday...Ray Kroc's property owning/franchise owner killing/animal rights exploiting/heart attack inducing company dropped the motherlode on Indian consumers.
Yes sir...im talking about the Chicken McNugget. Brought to you 25 years after first launching in the United States. Made of freshly left over chickens who are unable to lay eggs pumped with chemicals to increase the size of their breasts (no not silicon) while still containing only 56% volume chicken in end product. And if launching this cutting edge product on the hapless Indian wannabe consumer wasn't enough - they have supplemented it with the most fucked up advertising campaign ive ever seen. I tried to find the advertisement video on youtube but no one has uploaded it yet. I hope you will be able to see it on tv.
Its called: "Chik-kan khaane ka naya stylum". What? What the fuck is stylum? A clever take on style and yum? Oh wow! How original! First i thought it was for the South Indian market where everything ends with a yum. But then when i heard the "catchy song" playing in the back of the ad it pissed me off even more. It drops heavier gems than Kayne West. Things like:
"Agar ek reh gaya kar lo stealum". What the fuck is stealum? You want to turn young indians into British chavs whose lives revolve around stealing a McNugget?
As if that wasn't enough - the advertising agency Leo Burnett (who i have a lot of respect for) give the following explanation: The TVC shows the main protagonist bumping into a girl and dreams of eating the McNugget with her while singing a filmy style ‘duet-um.’ Suddenly, he is brought back to reality. Finding himself standing alone with the McNuggets, he shrugs his shoulders and decides to eat them ‘alone-um. He now finds himself at a party with various girls and on finding six McNuggets in his pack, decides to give them a ‘treat-um.’ Finally, he is cheated out of his last nugget by an old woman. He is taken aback at this ‘cheat-um’.
At the risk of sounding repititive. WHAT THE FUCK IS DUETUM!!! ALONEUM?!! CHEATUM?!!! ARE U BLOODY KIDDING ME-UM?!! AM I SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPYUM?!! IS THIS SOME SICKUM JOCKUM?! MOTHERUM FUCKERSUM!!
Tomorrow you'll tell me your menu has Payasum!
Please for everything right and holy in this world i urge everyone to boycott this shit-um!
Rant end-um.
nanda kumar jai
Now before i continue - i admit to the hypocrisy of knowing how terribly wrong everything associated with fast food is. Ive read everything from The death of food to Fast Food Nation and seen everything from Super Size Me to Who Mashed My Cow's Intestines. But still - the food tasted good. Not anymore - not in India anyway. Talking specifically about MuccDonnal (as pronounced in happy punjabi households where McAloo Tikki and fries constitutes fine dining) their burger size/quality has reduced dramatically. The veggies have become stale and watery and the french fries have become as flacid as an 80 year old's attempts after downing a complete viagra pill dispenser. But yesterday...Ray Kroc's property owning/franchise owner killing/animal rights exploiting/heart attack inducing company dropped the motherlode on Indian consumers.
Yes sir...im talking about the Chicken McNugget. Brought to you 25 years after first launching in the United States. Made of freshly left over chickens who are unable to lay eggs pumped with chemicals to increase the size of their breasts (no not silicon) while still containing only 56% volume chicken in end product. And if launching this cutting edge product on the hapless Indian wannabe consumer wasn't enough - they have supplemented it with the most fucked up advertising campaign ive ever seen. I tried to find the advertisement video on youtube but no one has uploaded it yet. I hope you will be able to see it on tv.
Its called: "Chik-kan khaane ka naya stylum". What? What the fuck is stylum? A clever take on style and yum? Oh wow! How original! First i thought it was for the South Indian market where everything ends with a yum. But then when i heard the "catchy song" playing in the back of the ad it pissed me off even more. It drops heavier gems than Kayne West. Things like:
"Agar ek reh gaya kar lo stealum". What the fuck is stealum? You want to turn young indians into British chavs whose lives revolve around stealing a McNugget?
As if that wasn't enough - the advertising agency Leo Burnett (who i have a lot of respect for) give the following explanation: The TVC shows the main protagonist bumping into a girl and dreams of eating the McNugget with her while singing a filmy style ‘duet-um.’ Suddenly, he is brought back to reality. Finding himself standing alone with the McNuggets, he shrugs his shoulders and decides to eat them ‘alone-um. He now finds himself at a party with various girls and on finding six McNuggets in his pack, decides to give them a ‘treat-um.’ Finally, he is cheated out of his last nugget by an old woman. He is taken aback at this ‘cheat-um’.
At the risk of sounding repititive. WHAT THE FUCK IS DUETUM!!! ALONEUM?!! CHEATUM?!!! ARE U BLOODY KIDDING ME-UM?!! AM I SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPYUM?!! IS THIS SOME SICKUM JOCKUM?! MOTHERUM FUCKERSUM!!
Tomorrow you'll tell me your menu has Payasum!
Please for everything right and holy in this world i urge everyone to boycott this shit-um!
Rant end-um.
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