Monday, 5 August 2013

XKeyscore: NSA tool collects 'nearly everything a user does on the internet'

A top secret National Security Agency program allows analysts to search with no prior authorization through vast databases containing emails, online chats and the browsing histories of millions of individuals, according to documents provided by whistleblower Edward Snowden.
The NSA boasts in training materials that the program, called XKeyscore, is its "widest-reaching" system for developing intelligence from theinternet.
The latest revelations will add to the intense public and congressional debate around the extent of NSA surveillance programs. They come as senior intelligence officials testify to the Senate judiciary committee on Wednesday, releasing classified documents in response to the Guardian's earlier stories on bulk collection of phone records and Fisasurveillance court oversight.
The files shed light on one of Snowden's most controversial statements, made in his first video interview published by the Guardian on June 10.
"I, sitting at my desk," said Snowden, could "wiretap anyone, from you or your accountant, to a federal judge or even the president, if I had a personal email".
US officials vehemently denied this specific claim. Mike Rogers, the Republican chairman of the House intelligence committee, said of Snowden's assertion: "He's lying. It's impossible for him to do what he was saying he could do."
But training materials for XKeyscore detail how analysts can use it and other systems to mine enormous agency databases by filling in a simple on-screen form giving only a broad justification for the search. The request is not reviewed by a court or any NSA personnel before it is processed.
XKeyscore, the documents boast, is the NSA's "widest reaching" system developing intelligence from computer networks – what the agency calls Digital Network Intelligence (DNI). One presentation claims the program covers "nearly everything a typical user does on the internet", including the content of emails, websites visited and searches, as well as theirmetadata.
Analysts can also use XKeyscore and other NSA systems to obtain ongoing "real-time" interception of an individual's internet activity.
Under US law, the NSA is required to obtain an individualized Fisawarrant only if the target of their surveillance is a 'US person', though no such warrant is required for intercepting the communications of Americans with foreign targets. But XKeyscore provides the technological capability, if not the legal authority, to target even US persons for extensive electronic surveillance without a warrant provided that some identifying information, such as their email or IP address, is known to the analyst.
One training slide illustrates the digital activity constantly being collected by XKeyscore and the analyst's ability to query the databases at any time.
KS1
The purpose of XKeyscore is to allow analysts to search the metadata as well as the content of emails and other internet activity, such as browser history, even when there is no known email account (a "selector" in NSAparlance) associated with the individual being targeted.
Analysts can also search by name, telephone number, IP address, keywords, the language in which the internet activity was conducted or the type of browser used.
One document notes that this is because "strong selection [search by email address] itself gives us only a very limited capability" because "a large amount of time spent on the web is performing actions that are anonymous."
The NSA documents assert that by 2008, 300 terrorists had been captured using intelligence from XKeyscore.
Analysts are warned that searching the full database for content will yield too many results to sift through. Instead they are advised to use themetadata also stored in the databases to narrow down what to review.
A slide entitled "plug-ins" in a December 2012 document describes the various fields of information that can be searched. It includes "every email address seen in a session by both username and domain", "every phone number seen in a session (eg address book entries or signature block)" and user activity – "the webmail and chat activity to include username, buddylist, machine specific cookies etc".

Email monitoring

In a second Guardian interview in June, Snowden elaborated on his statement about being able to read any individual's email if he had their email address. He said the claim was based in part on the email search capabilities of XKeyscore, which Snowden says he was authorized to use while working as a Booz Allen contractor for the NSA.
One top-secret document describes how the program "searches within bodies of emails, webpages and documents", including the "To, From, CC, BCC lines" and the 'Contact Us' pages on websites".
To search for emails, an analyst using XKS enters the individual's email address into a simple online search form, along with the "justification" for the search and the time period for which the emails are sought.
KS2
KS3edit2
The analyst then selects which of those returned emails they want to read by opening them in NSA reading software.
The system is similar to the way in which NSA analysts generally can intercept the communications of anyone they select, including, as one NSA document put it, "communications that transit the United States and communications that terminate in the United States".
One document, a top secret 2010 guide describing the training received by NSA analysts for general surveillance under the Fisa Amendments Act of 2008, explains that analysts can begin surveillance on anyone by clicking a few simple pull-down menus designed to provide both legal and targeting justifications. Once options on the pull-down menus are selected, their target is marked for electronic surveillance and the analyst is able to review the content of their communications:
KS4

Chats, browsing history and other internet activity

Beyond emails, the XKeyscore system allows analysts to monitor a virtually unlimited array of other internet activities, including those within social media.
An NSA tool called DNI Presenter, used to read the content of stored emails, also enables an analyst using XKeyscore to read the content of Facebook chats or private messages.
KS55edit
An analyst can monitor such Facebook chats by entering the Facebook user name and a date range into a simple search screen.
KS6
Analysts can search for internet browsing activities using a wide range of information, including search terms entered by the user or the websites viewed.
KS7
As one slide indicates, the ability to search HTTP activity by keyword permits the analyst access to what the NSA calls "nearly everything a typical user does on the internet".
KS8
The XKeyscore program also allows an analyst to learn the IP addresses of every person who visits any website the analyst specifies.
KS9
The quantity of communications accessible through programs such as XKeyscore is staggeringly large. One NSA report from 2007 estimated that there were 850bn "call events" collected and stored in the NSA databases, and close to 150bn internet records. Each day, the document says, 1-2bn records were added.
William Binney, a former NSA mathematician, said last year that the agency had "assembled on the order of 20tn transactions about US citizens with other US citizens", an estimate, he said, that "only was involving phone calls and emails". A 2010 Washington Post article reported that "every day, collection systems at the [NSA] intercept and store 1.7bn emails, phone calls and other type of communications."
The XKeyscore system is continuously collecting so much internet data that it can be stored only for short periods of time. Content remains on the system for only three to five days, while metadata is stored for 30 days. One document explains: "At some sites, the amount of data we receive per day (20+ terabytes) can only be stored for as little as 24 hours."
To solve this problem, the NSA has created a multi-tiered system that allows analysts to store "interesting" content in other databases, such as one named Pinwale which can store material for up to five years. 
It is the databases of XKeyscore, one document shows, that now contain the greatest amount of communications data collected by the NSA.
KS10
In 2012, there were at least 41 billion total records collected and stored in XKeyscore for a single 30-day period.
KS11
Legal v technical restrictions
While the Fisa Amendments Act of 2008 requires an individualized warrant for the targeting of US persons, NSA analysts are permitted to intercept the communications of such individuals without a warrant if they are in contact with one of the NSA's foreign targets.
The ACLU's deputy legal director, Jameel Jaffer, told the Guardian last month that national security officials expressly said that a primary purpose of the new law was to enable them to collect large amounts of Americans' communications without individualized warrants.
"The government doesn't need to 'target' Americans in order to collect huge volumes of their communications," said Jaffer. "The government inevitably sweeps up the communications of many Americans" when targeting foreign nationals for surveillance.
An example is provided by one XKeyscore document showing an NSAtarget in Tehran communicating with people in Frankfurt, Amsterdam and New York.
KS12
In recent years, the NSA has attempted to segregate exclusively domestic US communications in separate databases. But even NSA documents acknowledge that such efforts are imperfect, as even purely domestic communications can travel on foreign systems, and NSA tools are sometimes unable to identify the national origins of communications.
Moreover, all communications between Americans and someone on foreign soil are included in the same databases as foreign-to-foreign communications, making them readily searchable without warrants.
Some searches conducted by NSA analysts are periodically reviewed by their supervisors within the NSA. "It's very rare to be questioned on our searches," Snowden told the Guardian in June, "and even when we are, it's usually along the lines of: 'let's bulk up the justification'."
In a letter this week to senator Ron Wyden, director of national intelligence James Clapper acknowledged that NSA analysts have exceeded even legal limits as interpreted by the NSA in domestic surveillance.
Acknowledging what he called "a number of compliance problems", Clapper attributed them to "human error" or "highly sophisticated technology issues" rather than "bad faith".
However, Wyden said on the Senate floor on Tuesday: "These violations are more serious than those stated by the intelligence community, and are troubling."
In a statement to the Guardian, the NSA said: "NSA's activities are focused and specifically deployed against – and only against – legitimate foreign intelligence targets in response to requirements that our leaders need for information necessary to protect our nation and its interests.
"XKeyscore is used as a part of NSA's lawful foreign signals intelligence collection system.
"Allegations of widespread, unchecked analyst access to NSA collection data are simply not true. Access to XKeyscore, as well as all of NSA's analytic tools, is limited to only those personnel who require access for their assigned tasks … In addition, there are multiple technical, manual and supervisory checks and balances within the system to prevent deliberate misuse from occurring."
"Every search by an NSA analyst is fully auditable, to ensure that they are proper and within the law.
"These types of programs allow us to collect the information that enables us to perform our missions successfully – to defend the nation and to protect US and allied troops abroad."

Sunday, 4 August 2013

cultural differences

 just finished reading Marc Maron’s Attempting Normal. I don’t want to get into book review mode because I’m not capable enough to extrapolate the layers and stories the book delves into for those who aren’t familiar with him. If you’re not a fan of his work, you probably won’t and don’t need to read it. If you’re a comic, even if you don’t like his work there’s an awful lot to learn from him. There are tonnes of stories and passages I want to tweet and talk about but I’ll choose just one – part of his keynote at the Just For Laughs Festival in 2011 – which somewhat fittingly ends this book. 

There are very few people who make me spend such an awful amount of time just thinking through my own life and the role of comedy – and he’s right up there. Even if I never get to see, meet or talk to him there already is a connection – like with millions of others – simply through his voice on the podcast. That, in itself is extremely gratifying. 25 years after being a stand-up comic and having been left with nothing - talking to a room full of his peers and other comics whose lives he in some ways was a part of - I found this keynote extremely, extremely touching.

“I love comedians. I respect anyone who goes all in to do what I consider a noble profession and art form. Despite whatever drives us towards this profession i.e. insecurity, need for attention, megalomania, poor parenting, anger, a mixture of all of the above. Whatever it is, we comics are out there on the front lines of our sanity.

We risk all sense of security and the possibility of living stable lives to do comedy. We are out there in B rooms, dive bars, coffee shops, bookstores and comedy clubs trying to find the funny, trying to connect, trying to interpret our problems and the world around us and make it into jokes. We are out there dragging our friends and co-workers to comedy clubs at odd hours so we can get on stage. We are out there desperately tweeting, updating statuses and shooting silly videos. We are out there driving ten hours straight to feature in fill in blank city here. We are out there acting excited on local morning radio programs with hosts whose malignant egos are as big as their regional popularity. We are out there pretending we like club owners and listening to their ‘input’. 

We are out there fighting the good fight against our own weaknesses: battling courageously with internet porn, booze, pills, weed, blow, hookers, hangers on, sad angry girls we can’t get out of our room, twitter trolls and broken relationships. We are out there on treadmills at Holiday Inn Expresses and Marriott suite hotels trying to balance out our self-destructive compulsions, sadness and fat. We are up making our own waffles at at 9:58 AM two minutes before the free buffet closes and thrilled about it. Do not underestimate the power of a lobby waffle to change your outlook.

All this for what? For the opportunity to be funny in front of as many people as possible and share our point of view, entertain, tell some jokes, crunch some truths, release some of the tension that builds up in people, in the culture and ourselves.

The amazing thing about being a comedian is that no one can tell us to stop even if we should. Delusion is necessary to do this. Some of you aren't that great. Some of you may get better. Some of you are great…now. Some of you may get opportunities even when you stink. Some of you will get them and they will go nowhere and then you have to figure out how to buffer that disappointment and because of that get funnier or fade away. Some of you may be perfectly happy with mediocrity. Some of you will get nothing but heartbreak. Some of you will he heralded as geniuses and become huge. Of course all of you think that one describes you….hence the delusion necessary to push on. Occasionally everything will synch up and you will find your place in this racket. There is a good chance it will be completely surprising and not anything like you expected.

I’m not sure if there is one point to this speech or any really. If you are a comic hang in there if you can because you never know what’s going to happen or how it is going to happen and there are a lot more ways and places for it to happen. I know my place in show business now. It’s in my garage. Who knows where yours is but there is truly nothing more important than comedy….well, that may be an overstatement. There are a few things more important than comedy but they aren’t funny……until we make them funny.”

Attempting Normal

 just finished reading Marc Maron’s Attempting Normal. I don’t want to get into book review mode because I’m not capable enough to extrapolate the layers and stories the book delves into for those who aren’t familiar with him. If you’re not a fan of his work, you probably won’t and don’t need to read it. If you’re a comic, even if you don’t like his work there’s an awful lot to learn from him. There are tonnes of stories and passages I want to tweet and talk about but I’ll choose just one – part of his keynote at the Just For Laughs Festival in 2011 – which somewhat fittingly ends this book. 

There are very few people who make me spend such an awful amount of time just thinking through my own life and the role of comedy – and he’s right up there. Even if I never get to see, meet or talk to him there already is a connection – like with millions of others – simply through his voice on the podcast. That, in itself is extremely gratifying. 25 years after being a stand-up comic and having been left with nothing - talking to a room full of his peers and other comics whose lives he in some ways was a part of - I found this keynote extremely, extremely touching.
nanda kumar jai

“I love comedians. I respect anyone who goes all in to do what I consider a noble profession and art form. Despite whatever drives us towards this profession i.e. insecurity, need for attention, megalomania, poor parenting, anger, a mixture of all of the above. Whatever it is, we comics are out there on the front lines of our sanity.

We risk all sense of security and the possibility of living stable lives to do comedy. We are out there in B rooms, dive bars, coffee shops, bookstores and comedy clubs trying to find the funny, trying to connect, trying to interpret our problems and the world around us and make it into jokes. We are out there dragging our friends and co-workers to comedy clubs at odd hours so we can get on stage. We are out there desperately tweeting, updating statuses and shooting silly videos. We are out there driving ten hours straight to feature in fill in blank city here. We are out there acting excited on local morning radio programs with hosts whose malignant egos are as big as their regional popularity. We are out there pretending we like club owners and listening to their ‘input’. 

We are out there fighting the good fight against our own weaknesses: battling courageously with internet porn, booze, pills, weed, blow, hookers, hangers on, sad angry girls we can’t get out of our room, twitter trolls and broken relationships. We are out there on treadmills at Holiday Inn Expresses and Marriott suite hotels trying to balance out our self-destructive compulsions, sadness and fat. We are up making our own waffles at at 9:58 AM two minutes before the free buffet closes and thrilled about it. Do not underestimate the power of a lobby waffle to change your outlook.

All this for what? For the opportunity to be funny in front of as many people as possible and share our point of view, entertain, tell some jokes, crunch some truths, release some of the tension that builds up in people, in the culture and ourselves.

The amazing thing about being a comedian is that no one can tell us to stop even if we should. Delusion is necessary to do this. Some of you aren't that great. Some of you may get better. Some of you are great…now. Some of you may get opportunities even when you stink. Some of you will get them and they will go nowhere and then you have to figure out how to buffer that disappointment and because of that get funnier or fade away. Some of you may be perfectly happy with mediocrity. Some of you will get nothing but heartbreak. Some of you will he heralded as geniuses and become huge. Of course all of you think that one describes you….hence the delusion necessary to push on. Occasionally everything will synch up and you will find your place in this racket. There is a good chance it will be completely surprising and not anything like you expected.

I’m not sure if there is one point to this speech or any really. If you are a comic hang in there if you can because you never know what’s going to happen or how it is going to happen and there are a lot more ways and places for it to happen. I know my place in show business now. It’s in my garage. Who knows where yours is but there is truly nothing more important than comedy….well, that may be an overstatement. There are a few things more important than comedy but they aren’t funny……until we make them funny.”

nanda kumar jai english

English stand-up is at an interesting cultural crossroads where it is still niche enough to be considered edgy and cool but without the mainstream acceptance, financial backing and familiarity of say music, or dance. After the year 2003, which saw the perfect storm of Indian television broadcasting, The Great Indian Laughter Challenge, with urban Indians finding an outlet of expression after watching Russell Peters explode on YouTube and bars opening up to accommodating newer art forms, English stand-up got on its first legs of cultural relevance. Ten years in, with comics having struggled to build and educate their own audiences, English stand-up has become a regular part of life in an Indian metropolis (Except Kolkata where the Usha Uthup lobby has prevented anything except Naxals from entering).


From a time when a handful of comedians had to beg bar owners and auditoriums for a stage, cities are now full of comedians, open mic-ers who have performed once and call themselves comedians, and people who are funny on Twitter and hence think they’re comedians. Everyone has identified stand-up as an opportunity to make money while few care about the passion that has gone behind building this industry. Through this post, I want to share with you the different kind of organisers and promoters an English stand-up comic meets in his day-to-day life.
1. The Hapless Bar Owner 

The hapless bar owner is perhaps the more pathetic of the organisers. Usually made familiar of English stand-up comedy after seeing a competitor organise a show, the bar owner thinks that all it really takes to organise a show is a mic, some lights and a guy who owns an Ahuja sound console to get people to automatically start streaming into that venue as if Mata Amritanandamayi were giving away free hugs. The phone call usually goes like this.

Hapless bar owner: Hi, is this comedian X? Actually, I got your number from someone and we were interested in doing some stand-up comedy at our venue.
Comic: Nice. So where is this place? Is it a restaurant or a bar? What dates are you looking at? How many comics? What’s the budget like?

Hapless bar owner: Errr… actually you know budgets are really tight so we don’t really have much to offer comics… but we can give you exposure… like we have connections in media and you’ll get exposure… (What are you a frickin’ nuclear power plant?)

Comic: No see, without budgets it will be tough because no one does it for free… what kind of promotion can you do to get people so we can organise some sort of gate-split?

Hapless bar owner: Actually, we were thinking you are on Twitter and Facebook so you can tweet…


At this stage, that bar is permanently black-listed while the comedian cries realising that his/her value is lower than that of an emcee in a mall shouting to people to get them enter a lucky draw contest. If the hapless bar owner does manage to con some open mic-ers who are desperate for stage time into performing, s/he does fantastic things like let the bar and food service be open through the performance so that the comic can’t hear himself over the chicken shaslik sizzler. The hapless bar owner then decides that stand-up isn’t worth it and goes back to generic events like “Bollywood Nightzzz with DJ Bunty”.
2. The Facebook Acquaintance

Given English stand-up’s novelty, being a relatively good comedian gets you at least one article in the press. That and constantly updating ones Facebook with show details also means most of your friends and acquaintances know that you do that thing where you humiliate yourself on stage for the entertainment of strangers. Thus, most people like to take advantage of this fact and invite you to perform at their weddings and birthday parties. These acquaintances are usually easier to deal with than bar owners and the conversation goes like this.

Acquaintance you barely remember: Hey man what’s up! Aur show vagera kaise chal rahe hain?
Comic: Nothing much man same old, same old..

Acquaintance you barely remember: Nice nice. Achha… I was saying… you know, I have this party coming up and I thought I’d invite you – everyone will be there and we haven’t caught up in ages!

Comic: Haan! Sure man that’d be great…

Acquaintance you barely remember: Accha also, you know I was thinking… we can have this stage where you can tell some jokes you know on everyone in the room just do like a quick three hours of jokes we don’t have a budget but this party will give you exposure…

(click)


As Raju Srivastava once said, even if you’re on a dance floor, you’re always afraid that any moment, DJ Bunty (who never got paid by the hapless bar owner and is now doing weddings) would announce your name and the whole room would clear expecting you to do a one-hour set.
3. Corporate Slaves
And finally, the corporate slaves. These are company employees on the lookout for “something funny” to be done at their annual award function, Diwali bash, or lets -just-suck-our-boss’-dick-for-no-reason party. The corporate slave is usually a mid-level executive who has been put in charge of the event and thus, needs it to go well for the sake of his/her career.


While a few slaves hire specific comics based on their preferences, most are not familiar with who the comics are till the first time they meet them “to touch base”. After “touching base” they like to discuss the “show flow” and see how the comic can help punch up a supposedly-witty, god-awful sketch that involves every junior employee of the company, in front of senior management.
Finally, the corporate slave who thinks he/she knows comedy much better than the comic drops the inevitable censorship bomb, i.e. please don’t talk about politics, religion or sex – leaving nothing else to talk about except stickers on fruits, dog shampoos and Roadies. The slave goes home with a feeling of having accomplished something major for their company while the comic hopes to one day reach a stage where selling ones soul isn’t part of the contract.
The fat wad of money made at the said event then feeds the comics’ alcohol binge because that’s the only way to get over a room full of suits that can’t laugh because images of the partition are fresh in their memories.
The worst part of being a comedian isn’t so much the writing material, honing it over months, getting over stage fright and not getting shot by hecklers in Gurgaon. It’s having to deal with people at the periphery of the industry that seem to have it all figured out. Luckily, comics have a lot more options in the form of television and Bollywood nowadays, and I hear they provide great exposure.
This post is a part of and originally appeared a new series called Bakchodspeak where we look at the stand-up industry in India on NH7

White People: Making Our Rules And Destroying Our Culture

can tolerate a lot of things. It might not seem that way, but i can. I can live with young kids across the country suddenly wearing Manchester United jerseys and partying like puberty came early everytime "their" team wins a match. I can sort of appreciate women spending 35.7 minutes to get ready even if they have to goto the local market and buy a couple of vegetables. (Maybe they want to look attractive to other men while buying bananas, who knows). I can understand men wearing their jeans a little low showing their boxers to the whole world. I can even understand the medical reasoning behind air kissing people everytime you meet them.

Infact, there are some aspects of western culture that i am positively giddy about having permeated our culture. More people are starting to appreciate film, music and history from other parts of the world instead of constantly harping their "East or West, India is best" philosophy. Also, we are even starting to drink good wine finally instead of that Grover rubbish! (Everyone who goes wine tasting with pieces of Amul cheese in trays still deserves to be shot though) Last but not least, we have even started thinking of Formula 1 as a sport even though their stars would probably never find a good Indian bride. (At the end of the day, he is still a mere "driver")

However, there is one imported cultural aspect that has managed to foment in our young people's thick heads which is completely destroying the fabric of our society. I am, ofcourse, talking about the need to "stand on one's two feet". To these people i say say, where do you get off disrespecting our heritage and norms anyway? 

Since the dawn of time, Indian families have been built on mooching off their parents money. Parents become parents so that they can work for their kids well being. Generations have lived and thrived on their parents and building upon their reserves while continuing the same for their own kids. Thanks to globalisation however, this is starting to change. Americans and western europeans have a fucked up concept of self worth where if you use your parents money for anything, you are looked down upon and ostracised as if you committed the original sin. Ofcourse, this notion is not repeated when half these kids use their parents money to pay their house rent or take trips to exotic countries including India. So where do you get off starting to think otherwise of Indian kids?

Unfortunately, Indian kids are falling for this bait like a 4 year old South Indian boy in a manhole. Young people are starting to collect external debt and constantly feel bad about themselves and their self worth if they have to take their parents money. They even start talking down to others if they decide to "stay Indian". What the hell is up with that? You're not allowed to be comfortable anymore? What are your parents going to do with all that money anyway? What's the point of being so bloody hypocritical if you're secretly hoping that you get the money as inheritance when they die anyway? Why be disrespectful to them through your secret ambitions instead of being up front and saying - look, i want to do this this this and this - so if you have some lying around - please give me some. Where the hell is the problem? Where are the value judgements coming from?

I think secretly, westerners are just jealous that the Indian family system is a lot more robust than theirs. There is less pressure on us and less struggle than the average one. Frankly, if you live in India, it's the least that we deserve given general quality of life here. And who made these rules about self-worth anyway? Dont we have enough rules made by white people already that we want to live by another one? Arent the WTO and IMF enough?

What is the harm in being comfortable? Would you rather live a comfortable life or will the notion of "doing this on my own" guide you through your shitty life incase things don't work out? Frankly, i have no such notions. I believe family is meant to be there for you, and this whole "doing it on your own" thing is totally overrated. I know i'll probably do the same for my kids. If I'm broke - tough luck kiddo, we are poor. but if we're not, what's the big deal? While you struggle your ass off to get your feet on the ground, i'm going to do the same job that you do but come back home to a Nintendo Wii and 56 inch flat screen thank you very much. 

Also, given that the world is going to end soon thanks to ruthless human exploitation coupled with global dumb-fuckery over things like global warming, we are the last generation who even has money to spend. So get all the gadgets you can and take all the trips you ever wanted!

So kids - everytime someone tells you that you are useless just because you havent decided to live on your own limbs - tell them to shut the fuck up and mind their business. Then go on and flash your Iphone and call a friend to hook up at a party. 

Don't get brainwashed. Don't insult your parents by letting all their hard earned money sit doing nothing. You will not only be bigger contributors to the global economy, but also be a lot more comfortable. Not everyone is as lucky, so if you get it. take it.

Sh*t People Say To Sound Intelligent

The first thing people do to sound intelligent in a forum is insert abstract talking points when there is no need for the same. These people don’t have real answers or solutions to the questions being discussed, so instead they take the debate to a nonsensical level where they can pretend to share their outer worldly, semi-spiritual excuse for knowledge with the world. Lets take the example of a debate regarding a grading system being introduced for high school kids.

Semi-hot moderator: Sir, do you think the change from marks to a grading based system will be successful?

NCERT member: Yes, it will be very successful. Field trials are done, it is in the report right here.

Bullshitter: See, it all depends on how you define success. What is success? Is a child successful if they have 95 marks? Will an A grade give him success? I think our schools need to re-evaluate their need for…

Semi-hot presenter: But sir the quest…

Bullshitter: their need for determining who is a successful child. If you ask a child, one that can make an MMS in 12th grade will be successful. While for someone else, become head boy will mean success. Therefore, I don’t really think the grading system or marks system matters at all. What matters is the success of the family, the school teachers, the child, the university, my failing marriage, my cream for genital warts and this make up which is clearly not hiding my acne.

The only way to issue a retort to such people is through even more abstract bullshit. For example, you can tell them that you are going to slap them. But what is a slap? Is it a slap on the back to congratulate them on their views? A slap on the face? Is a slap on the face an insult or just a more personalised form of a pat on the back? Is leaving imprints of your five fingers on their cheeks a sign of intimacy? Or are you talking about slapping them with a fine for being an insult to humankind's intelligence? Or slapping as in the technique used to play the guitar? Its best to keep them guessing.